We'll Survive
by IheartOakenshield193712
Summary: Set after 5x9, during 5x10 :: Outside the barn, Daryl discusses with Carol what happened in the city before Grady. He soon realizes that their friendship is also failing... :: Caryl
1. Chapter 1

**Wrote this back in February and found it tonight. :) Happy Reading!**

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"Ya said I don't know you. What didya mean?" he rumbled, kicking a stick with the toe of his shoe.

She looked up and frowned - still hunched over in pain. "What?"

Daryl watched the quiet forest as he spoke. "Back at that business place. With the painting."

"Oh," she said in a small voice. "I didn't mean anything by it. Just teasing you."

He looked at her - squinting his eyes, trying to see any trace of what he was he was looking for in her face. He looked away again as he found nothing. "We don' know each other anymore," he said quietly. He saw her turn to him in the corner of his eye and he continued. "W've gone through so much - still haven't told me about what 'appened. We're not the same, and maybe that's okay. But we're strangers to each other." He sat down beside her, looking at the frayed hem of his pants. "And maybe that's not okay."

Carol swallowed, wringing her hands - realizing the truth behind her words earlier that week. "Why isn't it? I mean, people change in a world like this - you have to in order to survive. We're not the same people we were when this started. I told you that."

"I just- I just feel like I'm losin' ya," he grunted softly.

She glanced at him - he was chewing his bottom lip. "I'm okay, Daryl. Like you said, whatever happened, happened. There's no changing it."

"What did happen?" he asked - he had sworn to himself that he'd never ask her this, but she was leaving him with no choice.

A sigh escaped her lips, a painful one Daryl noticed. "Tyreese- I met up with them after the prison went down," she began slowly. "We found this house and stayed for a few days. We- we were going to stay there - permanently. It was secluded and away from anywhere... Mika and Lizzie, I taught them how to defend themselves; they knew how to use knives and guns."

Her voice hitched and Daryl fought back the urge to stop her, but she had to let herself feel it. He was tired of her hiding the pain. "Lizzie didn't- she didn't understand the walkers. She didn't see the danger they posed to us. She thought- thought they were still people."

She took a shaky breath and let her fingers play with the cuff of her thin jacket. "We- She knew what we thought of her ideas... so, she decided to show us."

Daryl turned to her, watching her carefully - her voice was watery.

"Tyreese and I went back to the house after gathering water, and Lizzie was looking down at Mika. Her-" She hiccuped. "Her hands - up to her forearms - were covered in blood. She'd killed Mika to- to show us what we 'couldn't see' about walkers. Tyreese was able to get her inside. I-I had to put Mika down. I couldn't let her-"

Carol swallowed against the lump in her throat that threatened to surface. "I-I took Lizzie out to- pick some flowers for Mika and-"

Daryl heard the small sob. "A'right." He scooted closer to her though he still kept his distance; he wasn't sure how to comfort her.

"She was going to kill Judith. That's what she was going to do had Tyreese and I not-" She drew in another shaky breath. "She would've killed all of us."

"I know," Daryl replied quietly. "Ya did what ya had to. I get that."

She looked at him, her blue eyes filled with such anxiety and hurt - both for herself and for him. "You did what you could for Beth. I can see it still haunts you, for not saving her."

He chewed his nails and shrugged. He didn't want to talk about what he was dealing with - he wasn't as important as her. "Just lost another little girl. Another part of our family dead. S'not fair anymore, but there's no changin' it. S'done."

Carol nodded and licked her lips. "We're not losing each other, Daryl."

"If I hadn't shown up, would you have left?" he grunted.

"I don't know..."

"You either would or ya wouldn't. No other option." He glanced at her when she didn't reply. "Rick's an idiot," he continued. "Made no sense when he told me he left ya out there. I know ya did what ya did for us - for the people at the prison. Ya tried to save us-"

She didn't reply but just stared ahead at the trees.

He exhaled through his nostrils - the noise sounding more like a grunt. "I woulda gone after ya had ya left."

She didn't move.

"I woulda done whatever I could to bring ya back," he went on. "We need ya. Rick might not admit to it, but we do. Ya saved us when we goddamn didn't deserve it."

"Rick wouldn't have let you go," Carol tried to argue.

"Fuck what he says," Daryl growled. "I woulda split too. We could make it on our own, ya know." He glanced at her. "If ya still want to leave."

She sighed. "I don't know anymore. Rick- he watches me, like I'm going to turn and kill someone else. I just feel like-" She cut off abruptly, looking away from Daryl.

"Before all this shit went down, back at the prison, before anythin' happened, we usedta tell each other everythin'," he said quietly. "Why's it so hard to do that now?"

She wiped at her face. "Because we were safe and there was peace. We were separated and we both lost people. We're just not the same anymore. I don't know what you want us to fix."

He let out a shaky sigh and timidly touched her thigh. "I-I can't lose ya, Carol. Not again."

He thought back to when the Governor attacked and the prison went up. He and Beth had ran from the settlement and as their distance increased, he found himself wondering - worrying - where she was, if she was alive or dead. Then he saw her back in his arms after Terminus only to be taken again - this time into Grady Memorial. He couldn't lose her again; it'd kill him.

"Daryl?" she asked. He had been silent for a while.

He shook his head and chewed on his lip. "S'okay. Jus' remember you've got people here who care 'bout ya." He stood up and listened to the quiet. "Gonna take a look around," he announced before heading off.

He had been gone for at least ten minutes and he returned with a gnawng feeling in his gut. He realized why - Carol was gone. Shit. Had she really split this time for good? He had made a quick and frantic circle around the cabin - she had gone. A frustrated growl left him and he kicked over a log.

He didn't like this. He hated how she thought that hiding her feelings was the answer, that she was just going to let everything that ever happened to them slip away, let their friendship go to ruins. No, he couldn't lose her again. He ducked into the cabin and did a quick scan of people - no Carol.

"Damnit," he cursed under his breath. He raised his crossbow and went in search of her. It took him less time than he thought to come across her, sitting on a lopsided tree. "Ya're gonna be the death of me, woman," he grunted, lowering the bow.

She turned her head and gave him a small smile though it didn't reach her eyes; she was still hurting.

Still puffing about finding her gone back there, he sat beside her just waiting for her to talk. He wouldn't pressure her again, he couldn't.

Carol took a breath. "I don't want you to die, Daryl," she said quietly, gently resting her hand on his leg. The corner of her mouth quirked upward as she felt him flinch momentarily before settling again. "I'm afraid that if I - we get close again, you'll be taken away from me. I can't lose anyone else."

He found his hand coming to rest on her lower back. "I can't either, but I don' think we get a choice now. Th-thought ya left now."

She looked away, feeling a little guilty for scaring him. Then she scooted closer to him until their legs were pressed together. "I was thinking about it. I was thinking about slipping away. No one would notice, no one would miss me - Rick would feel safer-"

"To hell with Rick," Daryl growled. "Carol, I meant what I said. If ya had left, I'd search for ya, bring ya back home."

"I'm not even sure if I'd want to go back home," she admitted.

"Then we'll go together," he replied quickly. "We'll separate from the group. Go off on our own. _Survive_. We can do it."

She looked up at him. "I couldn't ask that of you, Daryl."

"Ya don't have to. I'll do it willingly." His eyes scanned her face and his lips quivered. "I-I can't lose ya again, Carol. I'd die." He slowly ducked his head and pressed his lips against hers... softly. "Carol?" he asked once he pulled away.

Her eyes had been just as broken as her soul, but Daryl swore he saw a glimmer of hope. "Yes. And we'll survive?" she asked, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

"Hell yeah," he grunted.

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 **Did you enjoy that? I kind of did. :)**

 **I honestly wasn't going to continue writing, but I'm finding myself wanting to.. Should I? Like another part or two? What do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

_"Ya ready?" Daryl asked, slinging the backpack over his shoulder. He double-checked his crossbow and bolts before taking one last look around._

 _Carol closed the barn door softly behind her and nodded. "Just feels a bit weird leaving everyone."_

 _Daryl shuffled his feet. "We don' have to go," he reminded her. It was her decision - he was doing all of this for her. "We can stay."_

 _She shook her head firmly. "No, I can't. I can't handle the look Rick gives me when I'm around Judith and Carl. I broke his trust a long time ago. I think it's best if I move on."_

 _He grunted. "Best head out now." He looked up at the sky through the trees. "Storm's comin'."_

 _Carol took up her rifle and followed him through the thicket. "Where are we going?"_

 _"Dunno," he shrugged. "Just away from this place."_

 _"Daryl?"_

 _He stopped and turned. "Yeah?"_

 _"Thanks."_

 _He shrugged and continued on. "Ain't nothin'."_

Ain't nothin'.

They were friends. It's what they did for one another.

The storm still raged on but not nearly as thunderous and dangerous as the previous hour. Soon after it nearly separated them a second time, Daryl decided they take a chance and stop running. Exhaustion creeping into their bones, they agreed it was an idea. They took shelter in a hollowed tree that was still standing and settled in without protest. It was a tight squeeze.

Daryl opted for first watch though Carol could't find sleep.

He put his arm around her shoulders as they pressed together in the little space. As she got comfortable, he studied her.

She looked so pale and worn out. Her hair was plastered against the back of her neck in both sweat and rainwater. Her eyes were shadowed and sunken with overwhelming fatigue.

Daryl cursed himself. He should have been adamant they at least wait until the storm passed. He tried not to notice her hunched form as she attempted to compensate the pain in her shoulder and now her back.

He cursed himself again. He should have grabbed a few pain pills from one of the others before they left. They weren't in any position to scope out a drugstore now.

The emotions that flickered on his face must've been similar to regret and uncertainty about the whole situation.

"I know we left them, Daryl," she spoke tiredly as the storm around them continued. Had her mouth not been so close to his ear, he probably wouldn't have heard her. She sounded as pained as she looked. "I know there's no changing it. We can't go back."

He bit his lip. Her voice was small and fragile and not at all as he had hoped it would be.

He had imagined her to be free... free of Rick and his judgmental glares, free of the woman she struggled to maintain in the group. He knew this change wouldn't be an overnight success, but he supposed he had hoped a little too much.

Then she quickly added, fearing she had insulted his tracking skills. "I know you can get us back to them.. It's just, we left and that guilt will stay with me even if we return." She shrugged, "Sure, we could make up some excuse, but only we will know the truth.. and how we thought about giving up on them."

She let out a small breath and ran a hand over her face. Leaving Rick and the group was much more tiring than she anticipated. She glanced at Daryl - he appeared to be stewing in conflict as well. "They're still family," she tried. "We've traveled so far with them. We've lost many people together. It's- it's going to take some getting used to... being away, being separate from them-"

He looked at her when she stopped talking. He watched her quietly, his eyes looking right through her reassurance.

Her eyes avoided his.

How could it be, after all they've been through and not been through together, he still could read her better than anyone? She internally scoffed, and here he was, thinking that he didn't know her anymore.

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I never truly knew what having a family was about... Now that we've gone," she sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "It's going to take some getting used to, you know. Not seeing Carl take on things a boy his age should never encounter. Not watching Judy grow up. Not-" Her breath hitched.

Daryl lowered his eyes. It hadn't even been one day - twelve hours! - and he could already see this had been a bad idea. "I never shoulda forced ya to leave."

She glanced in his direction at the croak of his voice as if waiting for him to continue.

He couldn't look at her. He was afraid that there would be that look in her eyes that would confirm his fears and only increase his guilt... but she was just so unhappy in Rick's group. And he'd do anything to make that smile come back. "It's hurtin' ya to be away from them. 'm sorry."

"It hurts, yes," she sighed with a small half-smile. She couldn't exactly see the extent of his pain, but she tried her hardest. Perhaps it was her who didn't know him well anymore. "But I don't regret it, Daryl. I _trust_ you. I trust your words."

She reached over and rested her hand on his forearm. "I needed to get away from all of that. You know I don't trust anyone more than I do you. If you say we can survive on our own without them, then we can."

 _Then we_ can _._

Daryl sat on the tattered forest floor near camp, picking at his bolts. The storm had stopped not two hours ago. He had already been out hunting but it seemed the storm had either taken away the food or driven it into hiding. Now he sat, staring blankly at the destroyed woods, thinking of his and Carol's conversation.

He hadn't been very tired after their talk came to an end. She had fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder but the adrenaline of running to stay alive still pumped wildly through his veins.

He didn't bother waking her to take the next watch. She needed the rest more than he did. It wasn't until about an hour before, he had carefully extracted himself from the small spot and tried to hunt for breakfast in a forty-foot radius from camp.

His head snapped up the second he registered someone standing in the corner of his eye. His tensed shoulders lessened as he saw it was only Carol. "Ya sleep a'right?" he grunted.

"Fine," she replied, joining him on the ground. "You didn't wake me."

"Weren't tired."

She pursed her lips at his answer. Nevermind her being the death of him, he'd be the death of her with his stubbornness. "You didn't sleep at all?" she tried in vain.

He shook his head.

They remained silent for several moments.

Daryl chewed his lip as he searched his mind on how to proceed a conversation with her before things got awkwardly quiet. He knew Rick and the others, Sophia, Lizzie and Mika were all harsh subjects to talk about... so was what they went through in Atlanta before Grady. Oh, yes, Grady, so that meant Beth was a tough subject as well. He was running out of things to speak about.

Carol had melted into her thoughts of the night before and Daryl's regrets about leaving. She feared he - the only person she knew who held the most amount of confidence though one could never really tell at first glance - was backing out of his own idea.

She had repeated to him so many times that this moving on from the group would take getting used to but she didn't and most likely would not regret it... She was so sure he knew what he was doing that she didn't think to ask him the same question.

"Do _you_ regret leaving?" she asked suddenly.

His eyes flickered with uncertainty and he picked at his fingernails. "Don' matter what I think," he shrugged. "Only matters if you're alright. If ya ain't happy with leavin', I ain't either."

So, he was going down _this_ route, she thought. She gave him a pointed look. "Daryl, I'm serious."

"So am I," he grunted without looking at her. "Meant what I said earlier.. It's hurtin' ya to be away."

Her brow creased and she curled her shoulders defensively. "I'm not hurting, Daryl," she said with too much force in her strained voice. "What we did- splitting- it's _not_ hurting me."

She grew angry. "I don't know why you keep insisting I am still the poor and fragile housewife you met at the Atlanta camp! That's not me anymore! I thought you knew that!" she bit.

"Well how the fuck would I know who ya are anymore!" he snarled suddenly, getting tired of her constant fronts. "Ya don' say shit to me about what's goin' on. I haveta pry! And I shouldn't haveta do that, Carol." A heavy frown sat on his face and his eyes pierced her. His rant continued, "How'm I supposed to figure ya out if ya can't do it yerself? Ya say you're not that housewife I met, then fuckin' show me you're not her!"

His sudden outburst rendered her speechless for several moments.

Daryl berated himself for raising his voice like that. It was the second time he had done such a thing, except this time it hurt him more. This time around, he had been so kind and offering the night before, and now he had stooped so low as to fucking blame her for something that was his idea in the first place! "Shit, I'm sorry, Carol. I-"

"I know you didn't mean it." Her voice was soft but vulnerable. She looked at him carefully. "And I know you didn't mean it when you were venting about losing Sophia. It's okay, Daryl."

"No, it ain't," he argued with a firm shake of his head. "You're too used to sayin' that, believin' that you deserve things like this. Shit, I ain't no better than Ed for doin' this ta ya-"

Her eyes turned a cold fire and her voice was eerily low. "Don't you for one second compare yourself to him," she emphasized firmly. "Don't you, for that matter, compare yourself to Rick or Shane or any of the others. You are doing fucking more for me than they _ever_ did."

His blue eyes gave away the emotions that suddenly plagued him. He thought of Sophia and her awful death. He croaked, "Ain't a fuckin' day goes by when I don' think about how different things coulda been if I'da found her." He cleared his throat. "You'd be happy."

Carol felt her heart break for how much sorrow Daryl had been holding onto for these past several months. "So much has changed now, Daryl. I'm with you, I'm surviving with you and I know there's nothing happier than that. Like you said, whatever happened, happened. I couldn't save the girls. You couldn't save Beth. But it's done."

His eyes darkened despite her confession. "Sophia's death ain't on you."

There was a slight click in her mouth as she started to object, "Daryl-"

"She ain't," he argued. He put his hands over hers and ducked his head to look into her eyes. "I remember ya told me this after Beth died. I know ya said ya couldn't do this yerself, but ya haveta let yerself feel it, Carol. It's eatin' at ya. And I'm... I'm tired of hearin' ya makin' excuses for yer real pain." He squeezed her fingers comfortingly. "There just has to be a point where ya gotta let it all go."

She flexed her hands and he released her. She sat back and said what she thought he wanted to hear, "I have." She said it with confidence.

He let out a weak and helpless grunt. "Carol, please don't lie to me."

He watched her as his one and simple sentence began to eat at her soul. He feared she'd shut him out. He stood suddenly before she could build her walls again.

She followed suit and didn't even try to look at him.

"We should head out. Find a valley, find some food, start lookin' for shelter." He grabbed his crossbow and retrieved their packs. "Ya ready?"

She nodded silently.

"Carol?" he tried quietly. His heart was beating erratically for fear of upsetting her. His heart was in his throat.

Blue eyes met his.

"It's okay to feel."

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 **Well, here we are nearly a year later and I update... ha ha**

 **Hi :)**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **P.S. I'm not sure how many chapters in total I'm going to make. At first I was thinking three (one more after this) but now I'm not sure. But I don't want to write a full-fledged novel x) So, be prepared for anything!**


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